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Giving Birth (The anti-literal way)

July 27, 2010

All my friends– well, not all. That’s an exaggeration. Because some of my friends are men. And some are beyond child-bearing years. And some are simply done with having children. And some just have zero plans to have children. But for the sake of blanket statements everywhere, ALLLLLL my friends are pregnant! So, there is lots of talk about trimesters. I’m feeling a little left out. Well, I would be if I were prone to the whole pregnancy thing and the want of having kiddos. But because I’m completely self-involved and want to interject myself into every life experience, I’m going to talk about giving birth to an education. I’ll soon be in my second semester. My ankles are starting to swell.

I waited a little too long to sign up for classes. I don’t know why. I was just stubborn. My whole plan of nabbing a lab science totally fell through the cracks. The only openings were for evening classes, and let’s face it… being only my second semester, I just don’t feel the fierce urgency to stretch myself. It’s still early. I have time. Right? Right. So, I’ll be taking introduction to Psychology. Be afraid. I will analyze you from afar. And honestly, I think you are all a little manic. Just sayin’.

I’m also taking Comp II, more algebra (yes, I’m still in dumb math because I think all math is dumb and won’t start smart math until next semester when math will remind me just how dumb I am) and U.S. History for $100, Alex. Anyone up for baby education sitting? You’re free to eat anything in the kitchen but whatever you do, don’t look in the office closet. You have been warned.

From → Smart-O-Matic

  1. I will definitely baby-education-sit for you! What channels do you get on tv and do you mind if I bring my boyfriend over?

  2. yes, there will be blood permalink

    It’s too bad the gestation period is so much longer… I’m sorry to hear about your ankles, I’m sure the blinding headaches and sleeplessness associated with another round of finals will soon make them seem inconsequential

    • yeah, i’m sure finals will do me in. they did last semester! BOO! but i’m not skeered.

      • yoda permalink

        You will be… you will be…

        [audio src="" /]

        • 2 1/2 weeks. let me have 2 1/2 weeks before the doom is being taunted! gah! 😉

          • harbinger of doom permalink

            Do not read for 2 1/2 weeks 😉

            Doom is the House without the Door—
            ‘Tis entered from the Sun—
            And then the Ladder’s thrown away,
            Because Escape—is done—

            ‘Tis varied by the Dream
            Of what they do outside—
            Where Squirrels play—and Berries die—
            And Hemlocks—bow—to God—

            • I’M NOT READING THIS!! or at least taking it to heart (for 2 1/2 weeks)

              but… seeing emily dickinson pop up is confirmation for me, and i’m glad to see you’re here. 🙂

              • what instructions? permalink

                Apparently you don’t follow instructions very well…
                and stalking is easy when you leave giant signs pointing the way… with or without Emily involved…

  3. How have the crazy food cravings been? You know it’s a healthy education pregnancy when you have crazy food cravings. Well, that’s what they say, anyway.

    • Sariah’s right. The sicker you are, the more viable the pregnancy, or … something like that.

      • then my education is in trouble. my food cravings are oddly sane as of late. in fact, i’ve been on a veggie binge!

        • Veggies can be a crazy craving… especially if you don’t normally go for that. My real pregnancy cravings were vanilla milkshakes and vanilla ice cream. (Not so crazy, I know). My education pregnancy cravings was hot chocolate. All the time. (Everyone else had coffee. Blech!!)

  4. Its been awhile since I was in school. Do they still offer an epidural during the math final? Acupuncture? Morphine???

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